Feel Safe, Be Brave: A Performer's Guide to Intimacy and Boundaries on Stage and Screen
Being a performer is an act of vulnerability. Whether you’re a dancer executing a complex lift or an actor living in a raw, emotional moment, you’re asked to open yourself up to create art. But as intimacy director Nicole Perry explains, true creative risk-taking can only happen when there’s a foundation of safety and respect.
We're sharing essential advice from the award-winning intimacy director, choreographer, and author on how performers can protect themselves, communicate their needs, and ensure their creativity flourishes without sacrificing their well-being.
The Foundation: You Have Needs. You Get to Express Them.
Before stepping into any rehearsal room or onto a set, the most crucial thing to understand is this: you have a body and a psyche, which means you have needs.
"As performers, we don't always feel like we get to communicate our needs," Perry explains. "Especially dancers, we're a vessel for the art."
But just as you would speak up about a physical limitation to prevent injury, you have the right to voice emotional or mental needs. Some stories may hit too close to home, or you may not be comfortable with a certain type of touch. These are not limitations; they are your boundaries, and establishing them is the first step toward a safe and professional working environment.
The takeaway: Go into every job with the mentality, "I get to express my needs." You don't have to wait to be asked.
How to Speak Up: The Power of Non-Violent Communication
There's often fear around speaking up. Your reputation, your livelihood, and future jobs can feel like they're on the line. So, how do you voice a concern without creating conflict?
Perry champions Non-Violent Communication, a method that focuses on expressing your needs rather than placing blame.
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Instead of: "You did this thing to me." (Which can sound like an attack)
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Try: "My expectation was the contact was hand-to-hand, and when you grabbed my wrist, I was thrown off balance and it broke my focus."
This approach keeps the conversation collaborative. As Perry puts it, "I don't have a need because I am a diva. I have a need because I want to do my job well... I'm gonna do my best work when I'm confident, when I feel trusted... and respected."
Red Flags: What to Watch Out For
When you voice a boundary, pay close attention to the response. Perry highlights a few red flags that signal a potentially unsafe environment:
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Conditional Responses: If someone only wants to engage on their terms ("I know you want to do that, but I want to do this, so we're going to do this"). Collaboration is about finding the best idea together, not forcing one person's vision.
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Consistent Boundary Pushing: If you state a boundary and someone repeatedly tests it ("I know you said that yesterday, but that was just yesterday, right?"). A "no" should be respected until you state otherwise.
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Ignoring Context: Your comfort level can change. You might be more willing to take risks with a trusted partner than a stranger, or in a different performance setting. A respectful collaborator allows for that context.
What to Do When You Feel Unsafe
If you feel pressured or unsafe, there are concrete steps you can take.
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On Union Projects (SAG-AFTRA, AGMA, Equity): These unions have specific resources and reporting structures. You do not have to be a full member to use them; you just have to be working on a union project. Equity, for example, has the "Lighthouse" reporting system.
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On Non-Union Projects: Perry requires any company she works with to have a clear resolution pathway. Before you even start, you should know who you can go to if you have a problem—the choreographer, the stage manager, a board president. Having this chain of communication established is a sign of a professional organization.
Homework: Build Your Intimacy Toolkit
Don't wait for a problem to arise. Perry recommends performers do their own "homework" by regularly checking in with themselves about their boundaries across three key areas—her "3 C's":
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Content: What stories, themes, or characters do you not feel safe or comfortable portraying?
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Context: What are the circumstances under which you can do your best work? (e.g., "I can do this floor work if I have knee pads," or "I'm more comfortable in an intimate black box than a large proscenium.")
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Choreography (Physicality): What are your clear physical boundaries? This isn't just about touch but also about physical needs, like requiring a break after 90 minutes or needing a dedicated lift call before a performance.
By thinking through these ahead of time, you can respond professionally and confidently in the moment, rather than feeling reactive or pressured.
As Nicole Perry reminds us, "No is a creative gift." It forces everyone to think differently and discover new ways to tell the story. By advocating for your needs, you aren't limiting the art; you are ensuring you can contribute to it as the fullest, most professional version of yourself.
Want to learn more?
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Follow Nicole Perry and her work at Momentum Stage, or on Instagram and Facebook at @momentumstagefl. Her book, Careful Creativity in Theatre & Dance Education: Consent Forward, Trauma-Informed, Psychologically Safe Pedagogy, is set for release in late 2025/early 2026.
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Access free resources for artists and educators through the StEPS Initiative Course.
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